This is a difficult question to answer. First, the facts are that there are risk factors for developing a postpartum mood disorder. At some point, you may be able to look in hindsight at your situation and see other contributing factors as well. Physically, childbirth and adoption are very stressful events. The raging hormones from pregnancy and childbirth are said to be a major contributing factor. In both childbirth and adoption, our lives are turned upside down by such a major life-change. However, I know that your major question is why in the world is God even letting this happen to you. In the New Testament, Jesus tells us that we will have trouble in this world. But He will get us through them. The much-beloved Psalm 23 tells us that though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death that He is with us. We have to go through the valley, and unfortunately, we cannot just skip over it or around it as much as we would like to! You may be angry with Him. It's ok - He's a big God and He can handle it. We cannot and will not ever know the mind of God, but I can tell you that He is hurting with you and is helping you through this whether you realize it or not. Psalm 34:18 says that He is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. In the end, God will somehow use this to glorify Himself, whether it be through helping another woman like yourself or by simply learning compassion to help anyone around you in need. The possibilities are endless. Our Lord tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has a plan for us, that He plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans for hope and a future. There is hope and healing for EVERYONE who is dealing with a postpartum mood disorder. He is right beside You, waiting for You, comforting You - let Him dry your tears and help you through this.